I wish my penis had an off switch
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
