Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Found your dick twin last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
