I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
