mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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