It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
