I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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