I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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