All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
