so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
