I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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