VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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