There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
