i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
