he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
