The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize