My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
