my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
