He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
