Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
