What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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