In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
