Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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