so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
