Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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