Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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