I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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