Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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