I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
