is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
