How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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