accomplished twins. life is a go
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
