**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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