so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
