Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
