He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize