Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He shit in the fireplace
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
