there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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