Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
