Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize