the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
