the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
