The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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