Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize