forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
