his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
