I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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