she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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