So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
