The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
