If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
