My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
