I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
