Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
