i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
