Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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