very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize