Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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