just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
