he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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