dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
