Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
