Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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