I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
